Résumé

While some may not consider this something to ‘lol’ over, it’s a beautifully written piece with an ironic sort of ending. Also, there’s nowhere better to categorize this, without committing to a poetry page!

Résumé

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acid stains you;
Drugs cause cramps;
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

By Dorothy Parker

A poem from her collective book, Enough Rope. I highly recommend giving some more of her work a read, it’s well worth it.

If you whine like dog you just sound like a bitch

I am hitting the end of my rope at a rapidly increasing rate, the burn in my hands and my skin becoming unbearable.
There’s no reprieve. 
You whine like a broken toy, inching me towards insanity, an edge I’m ready to jump from.
Give me back my home.
I’ve met your pre-successors and you’re interchangeable. Sorry I’m not sorry.

End of rant.

“Simmer down now” ~ Back-up Buddy Bobcat

Busting a gut over Little Smokey… yet another blog reference my friends will look at me sideways for uttering

The Bloggess

Conversation at the thrift store:

me: Dude.  I think I might need that stuffed bobcat.

Victor:  Just keep walking.

me:  Look at his paw.  It’s like he’s saying, “YOU GUYS?  TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, OK?  JUST SIMMER DOWN.”

Victor:  Hm.

me:  We could carry him around in the trunk and you could pull him out to use as your supportive buddy to help you convince me not to do something stupid.

Victor:  I’m fairly certain that buying that bobcat would send the wrong message.

Ignore the photobomber on the right. Ignore the photobomber on the right.

Clerk:  I can give you a huge discount on it if you want him.  He’s falling apart.

me:  I just don’t know.  It sort of looks like he wants me to calm down, but it also sort of looks like he’s leaning on an invisible bar.  Like a really shitty mime.

Victor: Do whatever you want.  It’s not that bad.

me:  That’s sort of the…

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